[While he can understand what he means in his own way, he can't- understand it in the way Chrollo is saying it. Revenge for his legs, for not just his legs- for people he cared about, took interest in. Doing it for them despite his own safety and well being. it was- frustrating. Of course he knew he would act this away upon Kurapika's arrival, but he didn't think it's be so quick to come up.]
[There is silence on his end. He's strangely, at a loss for words for a while.]
[Ultimately his own interests are in his mind. Doesn't want to wait, but then, for their fight? He'd already be waiting, wouldn't he? So then he's speaking like this to him to further- whatever they have now. Whatever they've... been doing. Isn't that right? It's weird to think about it like that, and for some reason it's coming to him a lot harder than it should. But then- he'd be waiting anyway so this is-]
Dying for here? Then what is death here if it's not an end? Just a means to punish yourself? [A breath, closing his eyes.] I don't want you to go to prison.
[The most- sincere thing he's ever said, perhaps to Chrollo or to- anyone. But isn't- concern to some degree born out of selfishness anyway? He doesn't know how to express how difficult this situation is, or how frustrated it's making him feel, let alone try to speak in a way that actually stops the other man from springing into a most likely- death trap, should Kurapika's powers still work as they did.]
[So death, then, if he won? Prison. Meaning he'd most likely end up behind bars, or glass, away. And he wouldn't be able to work with him, help him gain abilities, wouldn't be able to see him and speak to him. He's been spoiled by how much he's been around him, Chrollo usually disappearing after the Troupe jobs, but here? That's all he's seen has been Chrollo. Chrollo Chrollo Chrollo. Without a fight but in the future, constantly seeing him and being impressed by him and basking in him. Missing him in as way that's- confusing and selfish and incredibly frustrating.]
[There's a long silence, and Chrollo's actively glad, for once, not to be on camera. Normally it doesn't matter, but at the moment...]
[He's a bit. Frayed. And he lets his head drop into his hands, not sure what to say. Or... do, for that matter. He'd said it would make a difference if it were concern for him, after all, but does that really qualify as concern? ...not really. But it's... something.]
[...and why does that even matter. Why had he said that to begin with? It was honest - he knew it when he said it, but he hadn't stopped to question why. It's just....]
...punishment for someone. Not for me.
[Maybe?]
[......]
[In retrospect. He can pinpoint all the errors he'd made.]
[Letting a single Kurta survive, that was error number one. After that, he should have insisted that they stay in pairs, at least, the entire time, regardless of what happened. If Shalnark had stayed with Uvo, even the chain user couldn't have succeeded. And after that... he shouldn't have been so distracted by Neon Nostrade's abilities that he lost track of why she was there. Shouldn't have let his guard down in that lobby. Should never have been captured - arguably should never have left their hideout to begin with. He'd always known he was a target for anyone who wanted to move against the Troupe, and he'd known the Chain User was both particularly focused on them and capable of killing Uvogin, so that was... sloppy. Overconfident. He can admit that, now, but now is too late to save Pakunoda.]
[It isn't that he blames himself, though - he's logical enough to understand the reality of human error, and to know that he could have only acted with the knowledge he had. But even so... he was their leader. He'd lead them into their own deaths and, worse, had managed to get himself removed from the playing field at the same time, so he couldn't even avenge their deaths.]
[...and, even then he'd managed to cripple them farther. The fact that Kurapika survived as long as he did spoke for itself - even he would be helpless if they moved against him together, but they didn't. To protect Chrollo. To keep Kurapika's nen from backlashing against him when he was defenseless.]
[Stupid. Stupid.]
[It's something worth dying for, worth suffering for.]
[And yet.]
...damn it. I don't want to go to prison either.
[Not even now. Because what good would it do them? Or him, for that matter. And because...]
[There's obvious relief easing into his posture as he listens. As he takes in the few pauses. he can't know what's moving through that head of Chrollo's, nor does he have any idea how his words affected him, if they did, they could've merely gotten his mind to move without really changing it themselves. Still. Relief, and he lets out a small breath, not having realized how tense he was in those moments, how upright he was sitting, how still he was... Something felt strangely off about Chrollo like this, and while he of all people can understand a need to get one's blood pumping, to go after someone, it was definitely- strange to see Chrollo in such a state.]
[Not exactly worry? Or maybe it was. Hisoka certainly isn't going to look into the feeling any further. All he wanted was to feel the relief of knowing Chrollo wouldn't go to jail. And of course that relief is only because of his own interests. Chrollo in jail would certainly be boring and would certainly backtrack what he's been working for. Not only that but the idea of not having the man to lounge on is displeasing at best, not that that thought- doesn't make him think that it all would eventually end after that first fight, wouldn't it?]
[Ah, anyway. A breath, smiling to himself and shaking his head. Fate certainly has a way of twisting things, what is becoming of him? But then, he knew himself fickle for so long by now, is it really so surprising that me might favour the idea of keeping this back and forth longer?]
Mmmm- are you now? [His voice definitely less pulled now, more smooth. Hisoka's eyes closed, leaning on a hand as he speaks to him.] While I imagine it's worth it for those you've lost, I hardly think he's worth all that time being locked up. Besides-
[Gesturing a hand.] He certainly seems fun to speak with right now, judging from that conversation you two are having. I'd guess the game alone you're playing with him is bothersome enough, and isn't he also looking for solace in your defeat or capture?
[An idiot, yes. But maybe not for the reasons Hisoka might assume. Chrollo squeezes his eyes closed.]
You don't understand. [Don't understand his drive to demolish that man. Don't really understand why he's holding off on it, either.] ...but, of course, you wouldn't.
[After all, what does Hisoka know about ties? About that bond - thinner than water and thicker than blood? The ties that bind him even now, across dimensions, or universes. Across worlds.]
I would spend a century in prison for them without regret, but it wouldn't solve anything. And nothing about this is fun for me.
[Amusing at times, yes, in that sadistic way he has sometimes. It's like bleeding an enemy one drop at a time - it almost makes him understand Feitan. But without the eventual cutting of a throat, there's far less pleasure in the bleeding.]
That's what you don't understand. This isn't a game.
Except, I suppose, to you.
[Ambiguous meaning, perhaps. But he's not stupid. Having Hisoka show up at the hostage exchange point ready for a battle was suspicious enough, but his little comments on the Kurta's post? He's definitely aware that something went on there, although he doesn't yet have the presence of mind to devote significant thought to it.]
Fine. I'll put it off.
But not forever. One day, I'll cut him open and turn his heart into my latest trophy.
[A long gaze to no where listening to him and most of the time a statement like that wouldn't really bother him or even interest him. But for some reason Chrollo of all people saying that to him makes him halt and frown. 'But of course you wouldn't' and that bothers him. But he isn't sure why and suddenly realizes he shouldn't care. So he stops thinking about it, even if the fact that he thought that at all was new and strange. He's never been the type of person to look into how he feels, he just feels and often times accepts it as just that.]
No, you're right. I suppose I really wouldn't. [Said almost thoughtful and without that joking flare he often has when this concern and caring subject or rather his lack of understanding of it comes up. He really doesn't understand it, but it really, does seem like such a thing if to make this man he thought so impressive be swayed like this. At times he felt Gon's connection to people and what it did made him as interesting as well... Though to Hisoka if he wanted something to happen he did it without needing anyone else to give him the drive. He never needed people to fight for. Never had any. But perhaps he's starting to understand the appeal. The fact that he views it as such a weakness doesn't help him to understand it though...]
[Not fun? And selfishly he frowns again. But no, of course he wouldn't. He's doing what he is with Hisoka as work isn't he? He sometimes forgets when Chrollo seems to be enjoying it. No this is just as much a deal to him as it is Hisoka, to end at some point. That's all. Though thinking of it like that starts to frustrate him. Mutual right? He'd rather Chrollo enjoy it, but why would he?]
[A breath, leaning back a little and closing his eyes.]
Whatever it is you need to then. [Said with a droning, near bored tone. But he's bothered. Perhaps there's annoyance in his voice, but Chrollo would only see it as him annoyed at Chrollo expressing such interest in fighting Kurapika when he lacks such desire for a fight with Hisoka. It makes sense that Hisoka would just be annoyed at that, right? But he was bothered before he heard that and now he just...]
I suppose I'm done here then. [Sighs through his nose, aiming to disconnect but lingers, not.... Wanting to but at the same time why string out speaking to him now...
A good few moments pass before he finally disconnects.]
[Chrollo frowns a little, because... there's something off about the way that went. It isn't the words. The words were fine. But the tone...]
[Something. And then that hesitation, something...]
[...it pisses him off a little, actually. That he's worrying about it, wondering about it. That he's thinking about it when he could be thinking about Kurapika, about his murdered friends, about things that matter - the only things that should.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
audio
[There is silence on his end. He's strangely, at a loss for words for a while.]
[Ultimately his own interests are in his mind. Doesn't want to wait, but then, for their fight? He'd already be waiting, wouldn't he? So then he's speaking like this to him to further- whatever they have now. Whatever they've... been doing. Isn't that right? It's weird to think about it like that, and for some reason it's coming to him a lot harder than it should. But then- he'd be waiting anyway so this is-]
Dying for here? Then what is death here if it's not an end? Just a means to punish yourself? [A breath, closing his eyes.] I don't want you to go to prison.
[The most- sincere thing he's ever said, perhaps to Chrollo or to- anyone. But isn't- concern to some degree born out of selfishness anyway? He doesn't know how to express how difficult this situation is, or how frustrated it's making him feel, let alone try to speak in a way that actually stops the other man from springing into a most likely- death trap, should Kurapika's powers still work as they did.]
[So death, then, if he won? Prison. Meaning he'd most likely end up behind bars, or glass, away. And he wouldn't be able to work with him, help him gain abilities, wouldn't be able to see him and speak to him. He's been spoiled by how much he's been around him, Chrollo usually disappearing after the Troupe jobs, but here? That's all he's seen has been Chrollo. Chrollo Chrollo Chrollo. Without a fight but in the future, constantly seeing him and being impressed by him and basking in him. Missing him in as way that's- confusing and selfish and incredibly frustrating.]
audio
[He's a bit. Frayed. And he lets his head drop into his hands, not sure what to say. Or... do, for that matter. He'd said it would make a difference if it were concern for him, after all, but does that really qualify as concern? ...not really. But it's... something.]
[...and why does that even matter. Why had he said that to begin with? It was honest - he knew it when he said it, but he hadn't stopped to question why. It's just....]
...punishment for someone. Not for me.
[Maybe?]
[......]
[In retrospect. He can pinpoint all the errors he'd made.]
[Letting a single Kurta survive, that was error number one. After that, he should have insisted that they stay in pairs, at least, the entire time, regardless of what happened. If Shalnark had stayed with Uvo, even the chain user couldn't have succeeded. And after that... he shouldn't have been so distracted by Neon Nostrade's abilities that he lost track of why she was there. Shouldn't have let his guard down in that lobby. Should never have been captured - arguably should never have left their hideout to begin with. He'd always known he was a target for anyone who wanted to move against the Troupe, and he'd known the Chain User was both particularly focused on them and capable of killing Uvogin, so that was... sloppy. Overconfident. He can admit that, now, but now is too late to save Pakunoda.]
[It isn't that he blames himself, though - he's logical enough to understand the reality of human error, and to know that he could have only acted with the knowledge he had. But even so... he was their leader. He'd lead them into their own deaths and, worse, had managed to get himself removed from the playing field at the same time, so he couldn't even avenge their deaths.]
[...and, even then he'd managed to cripple them farther. The fact that Kurapika survived as long as he did spoke for itself - even he would be helpless if they moved against him together, but they didn't. To protect Chrollo. To keep Kurapika's nen from backlashing against him when he was defenseless.]
[Stupid. Stupid.]
[It's something worth dying for, worth suffering for.]
[And yet.]
...damn it. I don't want to go to prison either.
[Not even now. Because what good would it do them? Or him, for that matter. And because...]
Ah. I really am an idiot.
audio
[Not exactly worry? Or maybe it was. Hisoka certainly isn't going to look into the feeling any further. All he wanted was to feel the relief of knowing Chrollo wouldn't go to jail. And of course that relief is only because of his own interests. Chrollo in jail would certainly be boring and would certainly backtrack what he's been working for. Not only that but the idea of not having the man to lounge on is displeasing at best, not that that thought- doesn't make him think that it all would eventually end after that first fight, wouldn't it?]
[Ah, anyway. A breath, smiling to himself and shaking his head. Fate certainly has a way of twisting things, what is becoming of him? But then, he knew himself fickle for so long by now, is it really so surprising that me might favour the idea of keeping this back and forth longer?]
Mmmm- are you now? [His voice definitely less pulled now, more smooth. Hisoka's eyes closed, leaning on a hand as he speaks to him.] While I imagine it's worth it for those you've lost, I hardly think he's worth all that time being locked up. Besides-
[Gesturing a hand.] He certainly seems fun to speak with right now, judging from that conversation you two are having. I'd guess the game alone you're playing with him is bothersome enough, and isn't he also looking for solace in your defeat or capture?
audio
You don't understand. [Don't understand his drive to demolish that man. Don't really understand why he's holding off on it, either.] ...but, of course, you wouldn't.
[After all, what does Hisoka know about ties? About that bond - thinner than water and thicker than blood? The ties that bind him even now, across dimensions, or universes. Across worlds.]
I would spend a century in prison for them without regret, but it wouldn't solve anything. And nothing about this is fun for me.
[Amusing at times, yes, in that sadistic way he has sometimes. It's like bleeding an enemy one drop at a time - it almost makes him understand Feitan. But without the eventual cutting of a throat, there's far less pleasure in the bleeding.]
That's what you don't understand. This isn't a game.
Except, I suppose, to you.
[Ambiguous meaning, perhaps. But he's not stupid. Having Hisoka show up at the hostage exchange point ready for a battle was suspicious enough, but his little comments on the Kurta's post? He's definitely aware that something went on there, although he doesn't yet have the presence of mind to devote significant thought to it.]
Fine. I'll put it off.
But not forever. One day, I'll cut him open and turn his heart into my latest trophy.
Re: audio
No, you're right. I suppose I really wouldn't. [Said almost thoughtful and without that joking flare he often has when this concern and caring subject or rather his lack of understanding of it comes up. He really doesn't understand it, but it really, does seem like such a thing if to make this man he thought so impressive be swayed like this. At times he felt Gon's connection to people and what it did made him as interesting as well... Though to Hisoka if he wanted something to happen he did it without needing anyone else to give him the drive. He never needed people to fight for. Never had any. But perhaps he's starting to understand the appeal. The fact that he views it as such a weakness doesn't help him to understand it though...]
[Not fun? And selfishly he frowns again. But no, of course he wouldn't. He's doing what he is with Hisoka as work isn't he? He sometimes forgets when Chrollo seems to be enjoying it. No this is just as much a deal to him as it is Hisoka, to end at some point. That's all. Though thinking of it like that starts to frustrate him. Mutual right? He'd rather Chrollo enjoy it, but why would he?]
[A breath, leaning back a little and closing his eyes.]
Whatever it is you need to then. [Said with a droning, near bored tone. But he's bothered. Perhaps there's annoyance in his voice, but Chrollo would only see it as him annoyed at Chrollo expressing such interest in fighting Kurapika when he lacks such desire for a fight with Hisoka. It makes sense that Hisoka would just be annoyed at that, right? But he was bothered before he heard that and now he just...]
I suppose I'm done here then. [Sighs through his nose, aiming to disconnect but lingers, not.... Wanting to but at the same time why string out speaking to him now...
A good few moments pass before he finally disconnects.]
audio
[Something. And then that hesitation, something...]
[...it pisses him off a little, actually. That he's worrying about it, wondering about it. That he's thinking about it when he could be thinking about Kurapika, about his murdered friends, about things that matter - the only things that should.]
[But there's something.]
[He closes his eyes, presses his lips together, and presses a few buttons.]